Since I’m busy elsewhere during MoFo month, I asked some special friends to help out over here. Next up, a glimpse into the life of a real party animal in SW Portland…
Guest Blogger: Mercutio
Special Friend: Stephanie, Thoughts of life and dark chocolate
4:30am – I discover my food bowl is half empty (I’m a realist) so I attempt to rectify the situation by pouncing on the humans while they sleep. Extra points if I hit belly or crotch. Mother groans and hides under the covers.
4:32am – Attempt #2 at food service. I start in with my cute little “mew!” and don’t stop until somebody gets up. Usually it’s Mother who stumbles to the kitchen and scoops kibble into my bowl, cursing.
8:00am – Humans exit the house for the day, leaving me alone with HER, my nemesis Delilah. I pretend to cuddle with her while the humans are around for the sake of peace but she’s so annoying.
12:00pm – Success! Mother has left my favorite food in the garbage, wilted kale stems and bits of leaves. She never lets me have it, she thinks I can’t control myself. In my excitement I eat too much and knock the garbage over.
12:15pm – Too many green goodness, I make a mess. How do vegans control themselves when it comes to kale? It tastes like liquid gold. Like I know what gold tastes like.
5:30pm – Humans have returned, interrupting my 8 hour nap with tickles and hugs. LEAVE ME ALONE. No, NO. I do NOT want to wear the Santa hat. It’s the middle of f@$king summer!
7:00pm – The small annoying one has knocked over ANOTHER water glass. What a slob.
11:00pm – Humans retire for the night. I go to bed with them as usual and wait until they’re just about asleep, then I attempt to leave the room by scratching at the door and making a racket. Ruin MY naps, will ya?!
11:45pm – Delilah and I are wide awake and partake in a race around the apartment and over the bed. Bonus points for belly and crotch hits.
1:00am – Finally, humans are asleep and Delilah has scurried herself to other mischief. Time to enjoy my favorite nightcap.
What a day!